Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
