Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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