i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
