Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
