In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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