i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
