apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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