my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
