This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
