get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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