Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
