Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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