True but thats because hes a fetus.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
