I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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