i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
