Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
