note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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