i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
