On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
