Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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