I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
