Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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