I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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