How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
