Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
