Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
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