omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
