ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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