Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just want to make out with him forever
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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