Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
