The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
BRING THE BAGELS
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
