Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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