my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
