I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
