i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
