her facebook's as public as her vagina
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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