Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
