if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
