Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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