I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize