I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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