I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
