My friends, they love my intelligence
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
