it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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