I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
