Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize