that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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