Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
