OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
