A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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