Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We don't watch enough power rangers
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize