I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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