I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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