Where is the hickey?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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