hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize