So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
