I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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