Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize