i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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