I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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