woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
