No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
