omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
