rhymes with "ouble enetration"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
