you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
