I want to have your abortion
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize