I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
