so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
