I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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