you turned your livingroom into a bong?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
