porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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