I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
