i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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