I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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