Well douche your snatch and let's go!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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