20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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