why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
