Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
