weddingsv make me drug and hornr
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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