wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
