Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
