eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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