all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
