These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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