so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize